Magpies at home

We've been feeding magpies for quite a while now. Given there are Norfolk Island pines in the street, which they love, they are always around. But they choose their times to swoop down for a feed. Sometimes I hear them from the kitchen, and sure enough when I look up the passage to the front door, one is standing on the door mat looking in. Very cute. Obediently I get out the mince and go outside to feed them. There may be only one, or two or three or four. I tell them to behave themselves if they are rude to each other. It seems to work. Once they have had a few bits each they are happy and so am I.

This photo was taken from a front bedroom window. They are peering in on a winter's day, looking to see what's happening. It seems like role reversal - we often think we are looking at animals/other living beings (eg in zoos) but in fact they also observe us. I always say hello to birds when I see them in the street, even if they are a breed I am not fond of, such as miners. Magpies though seem to know that you are talking to them. They factor it into their own speech. They are a special breed.

In Europe I believe they are called 'pie', but are apparently different to the Australian magpie. An American woman singer in our town for the Festival said how much she loves their sound. It is hard to mimic and has a lot of variation. Sometimes I think a magpie is putting together a song just for me - singing for its supper.

On commitment

I found this poem by Goethe, and given that I have commitment issues in a number of areas based on fear (surprise!) here it is (ignore the 'man' stuff):

Until one is committed there is always hesitancy,

the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness,
there is one elementary truth,
the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:
the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help that would never otherwise have occurred.

A whole stream of events issues from the decision,

Raising to one’s favor all manner of unforeseen accidents and meetings
And material assistance which no man could have dreamed

Would come his way.

Whatever you can do or dream you can begin it.

Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.

  

Daily practice - the social graces

Here is my take on increasing the social graces in your life, if other things take a hold (like busyness) or you have body and mind patterns/old habits you want to break. These aren't in any particular order; they represent a brainstorming session I had with myself. Perhaps that's another one - brainstorm with someone!

• Smile at someone (could be yourself)
• Thank someone (gratitude)
• Compliment someone
• Invite someone out - invent an outing for that person that you know they will enjoy (how nice is it to be included)
• Make eye contact
• Say hello to a stranger
• Start a conversation with a stranger (I've seen someone do this on the bus, and he is surprisingly good at it)
• When someone (could be a shop person) asks you how you are/how your day has been etc, ask them back
• Give someone your time/full attention
• Listen to someone mindfully (no other thoughts in your head)
• Tell someone that you care about them 
• Better still, show someone that you care
• Hug someone or otherwise give them affection (non threatening)
• Really look at someone as they are - don't take them for granted and think you 'see' them just because they are familiar
• Show/feel compassion for someone
• Try to imagine yourself in someone else's shoes
• Do something for someone without being asked
• Help someone or offer to help them (it can be a stranger)
• Commit a random act of kindness
• Pray for someone/wish them well
• Surprise someone with something quirky (eg a secret note)
• Give someone a present (this could just be your time)
• Try to make someone laugh
• Say something positive to someone
• Show interest in someone
• Be polite
• Speak with a pleasant voice
• Put a positive spin on something negative someone says
• Say something nice about someone to others
• Send love to someone with your eyes/heart
• Be friendly to someone
• Say you're sorry (too)
• Be punctual
• Say please and thankyou
• Be patient
• Show someone how to do something
• Put someone else first
• Be inclusive
• Commit a generous act
• Have fun with someone
• Make the most of the moment with someone
• Choose a friend
• Respect someone's personal space and belongings
• Be aware of others around you - focus off yourself
• Loan someone something
• Give someone something without an agenda
• Open your heart to someone
• Make something (eg a cake) with someone (a note on this: if you are side by side with someone rather than face to face, this can loosen up communication and take the pressure off always looking at them)

The quest for happiness - life according to the Dalai Lama

Here are some notes from the Dalai Lama's 'Quest for happiness', Adelaide public talk 21 June 2013 - transcribed from the e-ticket, as I forgot to take a notebook.

Mentally, physically and emotionally we are all the same.

• We should have respect for others, developed out of inner strength and moral principle (right intention). From respect comes non violence. 
• You must develop a sense of others' wellbeing at the mental and emotional level. Harmful actions come from a self-centred attitude. 
• Practice tolerance, forgiveness and love. Every experience comes from previous actions.
• Create a compassionate heart. 
• Constantly check your sincerity and truthfulness (positive anxiety as Lama Choedak says).

Relating to others

• Friendship comes from trust - there is no friendship if there is fear. Biologically we need affection and care.
• It is very important to be warm hearted - a deeper human value.
• Strong self + compassion = good (need inner values)
• Peace of mind comes from the heart - an open and relaxed mind. 
• Heart first, then mind.
• When talking to people, feel that we are all the same.

Approach to life

• Develop single-pointed faith. 
• Look at your problems from a wider perspective - holistically. This reduces anxiety.
• Work in this life is a gift to your next life.
• Learn affection and love - through actions and attitude.
• Forgive yourself - realise more, demoralise past mistakes, make a pledge to be a new person. Practice forgiveness to heal yourself - see others in the 'image of god'.
• Analyse tragedies - overcome them if you can, if not don't worry about it or the problem will increase.
• Think that you will not in future do actions that have caused you and/or others suffering.
• Negative thoughts - emotions disturb you if your thinking is weak. Make your thoughts more equanimous and remind yourself that we are all the same...
• Happiness means more satisfaction - you are 'full' or 'complete'.

Anatomy of a relationship (gone wrong)

If I could start over...

Within my limitations, I started off OK - trying to clear the issues when I could be assertive enough. This was not all the time - sometimes I stored resentment. There has to be a better way to deal with this.

Obviously I gave with an agenda, and was disappointed when you took advantage of my generosity. I did not have the strength of character to speak up when I felt injustice, but harboured it.

Slowly over time I lost my integrity, my sense of good will, my ability to be non selfish. Then my actions became self serving rather than relationship serving. I behaved out of fear and insecurity rather than out of 'love, devotion and surrender'.

Then things spiralled out of control, and I lost all sense of the game. I kicked into habitual patterns of behaviour, until finally I was confused by my own actions. I desperately wanted to connect with you, communicate on a deeper level, but didn't know how. You presented a consistent front - always happy, smiling, patient, tolerant. If that was supposed to make things work, it didn't, and I pushed you away more and more. My actions were beyond my control, and I couldn't understand where they were coming from, what was behind them.

And I didn't want to analyse them, as I had been down that track before, so I tried not to think about what was happening, but that didn't help.

The years drifted by, and our physical contact lessened. Our conversations became mundane. Our enjoyment of each other's company dwindled. We became unhappy, separately. I imagined being different with you, but didn't make myself do it, didn't break the pattern. You tried to initiate affection, but I withheld my response. I froze you out.

If I could start over, or begin my descent towards the light, I would do it chink by little chink, replacing negatives with positives, small movements with bigger ones, predictable moments with surprise moments, darkness with magic. Rediscover you, look for you, look at you, see you, understand you, grow my love for you, from that tiny root that is nearly dead into a slowly sprouting delicate stem, into a flourishing branch, into a sturdy bush. That still needs nourishing, can never be neglected, walked past, brushed over. And that takes discipline, effort, skill, but most of all - love.

How to gain more wisdom

This is an excerpt from A beginner's guide to changing the world: for Tibet, with love by Isabel Losada.
Isabel finally meets the Dalai Lama, and asks him (pp 354-5, 2004 edition):

But for the average person...If we assume that we are using wisdom for good things, then how do you gain more of it?

The Dalai Lama replies:

 It's a kind of intelligence or awareness. It's thinking longer. Wider perspective. We also need something happiness, something good today. Animals only thinking immediate, not next year or next generation but we human beings can think long term and sometimes even we have the courage to sacrifice immediate things for long term and next generation. More spiritual sight, awareness, more inner values and thinking about mind and about consciousness and how it works. Understanding emotions. Inner wisdom. So wisdom, you identify wisdom as a spirituality or something good.

'Simple kindness' are his final words. This seems like a good summary of a way to live your life. The longer version is contained in books and teachings of great masters (in my opinion). Meditation, devotion and compassion.

Khandro Tsering Chödrön

When I started attending meditation courses at the Adelaide Rigpa Centre, the first thing I noticed on the altar was not the Dalai Lama photo or the Sogyal Rinpoche photo, or any other photo of a great master, but the photo of an old woman with penetrating eyes. She was looking straight at me no matter where I sat (yes, one of those) and generated an amazing feeling in my heart. I guess she triggered my heart chakra. She had a grandmotherly look about her and maybe she reminded me of my maternal grandmother who I loved very much, but it was more than that. I felt her power, and that she was looking at me with love and compassion.

OK, she's dead. She died in 2011. But that doesn't stop her power. She was Khandro Tsering Chödrön, the aunt of Sogyal Rinpoche, and the spiritual consort of Jamyand Khyentse Chokyi Lodro (one of the most respected and influential masters in Tibet). She is described in an article about her in View: The Rigpa Journal (July 2011) as 'Queen of the Dakinis'.

She was born in 1929 in Eastern Tibet. Signs in her childhood indicated that she was special, an emanation of Shelkar Dorje Tso, a disciple and consort of Guru Padamasambhava. Khandro became Jamyang Khyentse's spiritual wife at the age of 20. Once he died, when she was just 31, she lived an 'extraordinary life of spiritual practice, prayer and devotion' (page 7). What really comes across in this article, as I will never meet her, is her humility, kindness, humour, and her simple life. She wasn't attached to wealth and possessions. It is an understatement to say I have a long way to go to be like that!
There is a website dedicated to her
And an article about her by Sogyal Rinpoche

The image of her in 2009 is from the website In Memory of Khandro Tsering Chödrön - this is the image that first captivated me and is on my bedside table. I sometimes picture her during the day - she is a good reminder of what is important in life and helps me to be more mindful.

... with her incredible humor, she was always giving us an important teaching about the ironies of life. Perhaps we don't need to take everything so seriously, she seemed to say. Even this whole cycle of existence, birth and death that Buddhists call 'samsara' looks quite ridiculous when viewed from an enlightened perspective.

No thanks, non merci, nej tak, no gracias, etc

All of these 'nos' are to nuclear energy wherever it is being produced. I remember 'nej tak' being a slogan from the 80s (?). What has happened to our position on nuclear energy? It seems to have eroded, and sadly some influential Australians have participated in this process by proponing nuclear energy as the answer to the energy issues of our future (what future?).

Well with limited knowledge on my side to argue soundly, I still say 'no thanks'. The mistake we are all making in my eyes is to think our lives can be lived as they are now (why would you want to anyway but won't go there). We are putting our heads in the sand if we assume that. There are too many of us on the planet and a certain percentage of us are using far too much energy, and our 'needs' and lifestyles are destroying the planet, which, we should remind ourselves, is a living thing with innocent life that we are dragging down with us - no, pushing in front of us. As usual we are prioritising ourselves over everything else. Most humans would have to agree on at least this point. And most humans who are contributing to this waste of life are not admitting that they have a problem with species being threatened - they are able to avoid relating to the pain of an arctic bear that has to swim for miles simply to find somewhere to lob his beautiful white body, not to sunbake but to survive. It is harder to feel sorry for sharks perhaps as Australians have a fear of them and see them as the enemy, but the reality is that sharks play a crucial role in our ecosystem. It is big picture stuff and requires a very big step away from ego-driven needs and wants. And who wants to feel that world pain? I would rather not but it is always with me.

So what am I saying now that I have rambled down the path of love and emotion? That we must consider a different life path, one that is inclusive of all living things. At the moment we don't even include our own species let alone others. And saying yes to nuclear energy is not doing this, it is thinking we can solve a problem that is getting bigger and bigger. It is thinking we are smarter than we are. In fact a species that would 'progress' towards its demise is not smart at all. As the American Indians have said, No tree has branches foolish enough to fight amongst each other. (This is a quote from A Dare a Day)

Love is the new black

I would like to say that this is my term (because it is clever, witty and also deep), but it isn't. It's a Paul Frank pop art design. But I like it. Especially because a few years ago I realised the truth of someone (forget who so can't reference right now) who said, 'Whatever the question, love is the answer.' I have come to this realisation in a different way and wording, but happiness is definitely defined by 'soul actions' - what you do for someone else, what you feel. Nothing else matters. But it is also love for nature. I cannot pretend that human beings are supreme in my esteem.